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My Analyst is a PB&J Sandwich

Who knew that a PB&J sandwich could tell so much about me?


What Your Peanut Butter And Jelly Sandwich Means


Your eating style is gluttonous. If you like something, you’re going back for seconds… no matter how full you are!

You have an average sweet tooth. While you enjoy desserts, they aren’t exactly your downfall.

Your taste in food tends to be pretty flexible. You may crave sushi one night, and your favorite childhood recipe the next.

Admit it, you’re a little trashy and low class at times. You’re definitely more comfortable at a tattoo parlor than the theater.

You are a tough person who isn’t afraid to live life fully. There isn’t a lot that scares you.

You are laid back and extremely easygoing. You never make a fuss, and you try to enjoy every moment.

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Bullish on Colonoscopy

Colonoscopy: Been there. Done that. Got the tee shirt. No sweat.

Here is a picture of me at the doctor’s office. He is using a new all natural, unified procedure which simultaneously

  1. Inserts the anesthesia
  2. Performs the exam
  3. Urges the patient out the door and onto the path of recovery

Bull Colonoscopy

I like my doctor. He’s direct and to the point. No dilly-dallying around. A real macho “git er done” kind of fella.

Seriously, the whole thing was no big deal. Lots of people had told me how horrible the preparation would be; they were wrong. It was unpleasant but it was way better than having the stomach flu. The colonoscopy was scheduled for Wednesday morning so, on Tuesday, I a) did not eat any solid food (it’s a good thing that I like Jell-O), and b) drank some stuff which gave me diarrhea for a few hours. Yeah, I was running to the bathroom a lot. On the other hand, I did not have any of the symptoms which usually accompany that sort of thing. My stomach didn’t hurt; I didn’t feel queasy; no fever; etc.

The colonoscopy itself was a no brainer, literally. I slept through it. And I got portraits of parts of me that aren’t really very flattering. And I got good news about my health.

If you are over 50, get scoped. It’s a great way to avoid colorectal cancer which is the second leading cause of cancer deaths in the western world, killing about 655,000 people per year. You don’t need to be one of them.

Oh, and thank you Scott Youmans for finding that great photo. Scott, you brightened my day immeasurably. No bull.

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Caching Free LibraryThing Book Covers

LibraryThing did something amazing last Thursday: it made images of the covers of a million books available for anyone to use for free. This is way better than using Amazon.com’s book covers because you can display them without linking to Amazon. If you are a library or an independent book store, having links on your web site which can draw your patrons or customers to Amazon is not a particularly good thing. It is obviously better than a commercial book cover service because, well, it’s free.

Here is an example. I own a copy of 100 Great Fantasy Short, Short Stories. Since I am using a LibraryThing cover, I can legally link the image to the LibraryThing description (which I have done) or I could have linked it to my own LibraryThing catalog or to anything else I choose.

There are a couple of small potential problems and these prompted me to write a little caching script for the LibraryThing covers. First, you need to use your own developer key to obtain the covers from LibraryThing and there is a slight chance that you could exceed the maximum number of covers per day that LT is willing to provide to you. Second, since I am quite sure that this service will be very popular, LT’s servers could get a bit overburdened if everybody hits them for images.

The solution? Install my little LTcovers PHP script on your own web server. It is just a single file and needs a single directory in which it can store copies of the book cover images that you need. As your patrons/customers/users display covers on your web site, LTcovers will grab the images from LibraryThing and keep a local copy. Once configured, it needs no maintenance.

What do you need?

  1. The ltcovers.php script. Right-click on that link and “Save As” ltcovers.php on your own web server.
  2. Your own LibraryThing developer key. It’s free and you need to have your own.
  3. You might want a 1×1 pixel transparent GIF image as a default image, in case you request a cover which LibraryThing does not have. You can download one from here. (Use “Save As” again.)

My LTcovers script is available for free under a Creative Commons Attribution-Noncommercial-Share Alike 3.0 United States License.

The images from LibraryThing are available under these terms, “You also agree to some very limited terms: You do not make LibraryThing cover images available to others in bulk. But you may cache bulk quantities of covers. Use does not involve or promote a LibraryThing competitor. If covers are fetched through an automatic process (eg., not by people hitting a web page), you may not fetch more than one cover per second.”

I hope that between LibraryThing and this script, you can save a few dollars (if you are now paying for a commercial book cover service) and provide a better experience for your web site visitors (if you are now linking to Amazon).

Shameless commercial plug: If you want to use LTcovers but cannot install it on your own web server, Hen’s Teeth Network will be glad to provide you with a small hosting account quite suitable for running it. We will even install LTcovers for free if you sign up for one of our hosting accounts.

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Humanity Survives While Killing

I don’t often find myself smiling while reading about the killing in Iraq and Afghanistan but I did today when I ran across a short article in Wired, Shrinks Help Drone Pilots Cope With Robo-Violence. Like many people, I was concerned that fighting a war via remote controlled vehicles would turn the killing into a video game, completely disconnecting the soldiers’ consciences from their actions. It is a very hopeful sign that the men and women firing missiles from drone airplanes are disturbed enough by what they are doing to require counselling.

It has often been a problem that the men who run the wars are not the ones on the front lines, personally experiencing the maiming and killing. Even the vocabulary of war encourages pretty much everybody to ignore the consequences: people become “units” or “troops.” We talk about things like “troop strength” and not “the number of men able to stand and fight.”

At least this summer, the people in California who are killing people in Iraq get what they are doing. I am sure that the people who program the drones will try to solve this problem, making the people who do the killing a bit more efficient. With luck, it will take a long time.

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When Words Fail: Use The Lazy Bloggers’ Post Generator

Sometimes the words just won’t come. What’s a blogger to do? I have a little confession to make: I turn to the Lazy Bloggers’ Post Generator. After you read this latest sample of it’s output, I’ll bet you’ll agree that you can’t tell the difference between what the Post Generator creates and my usual witticisms.

OMFG! I just totally realised I have not updated this since Paris Hilton was in jail… You would not believe the amount of people that are totally stalking me. Apologies to my regular readers! Even the little blue ones!.

I am lost in a sea of pseudo-olde-english with discovering time doesn’t stand still, rock crushing, just generally being a coach to the local soccer team, my day lasts forever from the second star on the right, straight on to I am begging my kid to go to sleep or so help me God that kid will be decorating my wall, ‘Duct tape still life’. I am avoiding recapture. but this damned rock is heavy.

I send you kisses I will write something that makes sense soon. No, really! The Piccaninnies say I have to!.

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Food Spoilage Tests

Thank you, Archie, for these food spoilage tests

THE GAG TEST
Anything that makes you gag is spoiled (except for leftovers from what you cooked for yourself last night).

EGGS
When something starts pecking its way out of the shell, the egg is probably past its prime.

DAIRY PRODUCTS
Milk is spoiled when it starts to look like yogurt. Yogurt is spoiled when it starts to look like cottage cheese. Cottage cheese is spoiled when it starts to look like regular cheese. Regular cheese is nothing but spoiled milk anyway and can’t get any more spoiled than it is already.

MAYONNAISE
If it makes you violently ill after you eat it, the mayonnaise is spoiled.

FROZEN FOODS
Frozen foods that have become an integral part of the defrosting problem in your freezer compartment will probably be spoiled - (or wrecked anyway) by the time you pry them out with a kitchen knife.

EXPIRATION DATES
This is NOT a marketing ploy to encourage you to throw away perfectly good food so that you’ll spend more on groceries. Perhaps you’d benefit by having a calendar in your kitchen.

MEAT
If opening the refrigerator door causes stray animals from a three-block radius to congregate outside your house, the meat is spoiled.

BREAD
Sesame seeds and Poppy seeds are the only officially acceptable “spots” that should be seen on the surface of any loaf of bread. Fuzzy and hairy looking white or green growth areas are a good indication that your bread has turned into a pharmaceutical laboratory experiment.

LETTUCE
Bibb lettuce is spoiled when you can’t get it off the bottom of the vegetable crisper without Comet.

CANNED GOODS
Any canned goods that have become the size or shape of a softball should be disposed of. Carefully.

CARROTS
A carrot that you can tie a clove hitch in is not fresh.

RAISINS
Raisins should not be harder than your teeth.

POTATOES
Fresh potatoes do not have roots, branches, or dense, leafy undergrowth.

CHIP DIP
If you can take it out of its container and bounce it on the floor, it has gone bad.

EMPTY CONTAINERS
Putting empty containers back into the refrigerator is an old trick, but it only works if you have a wife or a maid.

UNMARKED ITEMS:
Generally speaking, Tupperware containers should not burp when you open them.

GENERAL RULE OF THUMB:
Most food cannot be kept longer than the average life span of a hamster. Keep a hamster in your refrigerator to gauge this.

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Found: Live Dinosaur

The Los Angeles Museum of Natural History has a live dinosaur.


Extinct, my ASS! from The Original Joe Fisher on Vimeo.

How cool is that?

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Privacy

Many, perhaps all, of us assume that our privacy is respected and protected in most aspects of our lives. This notion is so ingrained in our society that I never gave it a second thought until this week when a court ruled that Google must turn over data on YouTube users to Viacom. Within hours, a friend on a mailing list wrote,

This boils down to the public being ruled against (victimized) in a court case where we - the people - have no representation.

Our constitution does not guarantee our privacy, though it’s amendments support several specific aspects of privacy which were reflected in the Bill of Rights. The University of Missouri at Kansas City Law School has a good article exploring The Right of Privacy. I particularly like this quotation from the bottom of that page from Justice Brandeis’s dissent in Olmstead v. U. S. (1928),

The makers of our Constitution understood the need to secure conditions favorable to the pursuit of happiness, and the protections guaranteed by this are much broader in scope, and include the right to life and an inviolate personality — the right to be left alone — the most comprehensive of rights and the right most valued by civilized men. The principle underlying the Fourth and Fifth Amendments is protection against invasions of the sanctities of a man’s home and privacies of life. This is a recognition of the significance of man’s spiritual nature, his feelings, and his intellect.

The notion that our video viewing habits are “private” is very recent and short lived. Broadcast television is only about 50 years old and the very nature of the broadcast medium assures a high degree of privacy to the viewers. TiVo, now 11 years old, brought the issue into the limelight when people realized that TiVo (the company) collects information on the viewing habits of its customers. Pay-per-view cable television, which began way back in the 1980s, somehow escaped much of the brouhaha though the PPV vendors obviously know exactly who is purchasing and, presumably, watching every single video.

Additionally, the notion that we can borrow a video or book and enjoy it in privacy is only a few generations old. In the past, people would view “borrowed” materials from libraries. At least here in America, over the last several generations, libraries have developed a culture of protecting patrons’ privacy. In many instances, this culture is so in-grained that the libraries meticulously destroy patron borrowing records to assure that the data cannot be accessed and misused. As we move to “borrowing” material more often from for-profit entities, we move away from the librarians for whom patrons (us) are a primary focus.

Google, for instance, has fiduciary responsibility only to three sets of entities: employees, stockholders, and (paying) customers. Except as it impacts those entities, Google has no real interest in protecting the privacy of YouTube viewers.

Does this matter? Clearly, it does. Does it matter enough for people to change their video viewing habits. I doubt it. I think the vast majority of people will grumble, sigh, and go on with their lives and won’t really miss this bit of privacy-lost.

The key take-away from this court case is to remember that, as a YouTube viewer, you are 100% empowered to protect your own privacy. You are not a victim. You get to choose what you watch, where you watch it, and whether (and how) you hide your identity when you watch it.

To be specific, assuming that you want to watch that Viacom-produced and copyright protected clip from The Colbert Report

  1. You can watch the live broadcast, or use your personal video recorder to time shift the broadcast, or watch the clip from Viacom’s ComedyCentral.com web site, or watch the clip on YouTube.
  2. Assuming that you want to watch the clip on YouTube, you can watch it on your own computer in youor own home using your own internet connection, or you can use a public computer, or you can use your own computer connected to a public Wi-Fi network or your neighbor’s Wi-Fi network.
  3. Further assuming that you want to watch using your own computer on your own internet connection, you could choose to hide your identity by using any of a wide variety of services which make you more or less anonymous on the world-wide web.

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Call Tech Support! The Website Is Down

Sure. Go head. Call tech support and tell him that the web site is down. No problem.

Did I admit that my business is hosting and supporting web sites? Nah. Didn’t think so.

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In Memory of Marjory Serby Robertson

My mother, Marjorie Serby Robertson, passed away last week. I found this poem which beautifully sums up her life.

Old Song

Do not seek too much fame,
but do not seek obscurity.
Be proud.
But do not remind the world of your deeds.
Excel when you must,
but do not excel the world.
Many heroes are not yet born,
many have already died.
To be alive to hear this song is a victory.

Traditional, West Africa

May her soul be bound up in the bond of eternal life. May her memory be a blessing.

(Old Song is from The Rag and Bone Shop of the Heart: A Poetry Anthology.)

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